Motherhood In The Trenches

InMotherhoodlogoThis week I am linking-up with some friends in my (in)motherhood group sharing a small view of what motherhood is for us right now. The topic is Motherhood in the trenches.
From a few moments in our kitchen last week…

At lunch time, 2 of my little ones squabble over who will sit on the tall black stool pulled up to the island in the kitchen.  I am at the stove glancing over my shoulder to spit out words of caution if they continue to fight over the stools.  I do not remember much of what I said. Only empty phrases tossed over my shoulder, not really aimed or focused at anyone specific. But, the fighting stopped and they were quiet long enough for me to hear a sniff of what I recognize as the beginning of a genuine cry from my 4-year-old.
I turn.

“What’s wrong, Alani?” She is perched on a stool near the kitchen island.  Her legs dangle, one with a pink sock and a gold sparkle shoe, the other with only a pink sock.  She wipes her eyes and begins to explain. The corners of her mouth keeps turning down making the little wrinkle in her chin as she tries to speak.

“I don’t want to grow up, mama.” As she begins to sob, I try to remember what I could have said to bring on such a meltdown.

I was at a loss for words. dressup_2

“What do you mean?” I ask, trying to connect the dots between a 4 year-olds mind and my lose words, the ones I cannot take back.

“Well,” she starts in, wiping her eyes. “You said when I grow up I can sit where I want, but I don’t want to grow up and get big. I want to be your little girl forever.”

And there it was… “a moment to remember”.  You know the ones I mean, the ones old folks stop you in the grocery store to warn you about. The moments they say you will look back on and wish you had them to do over again. My little beauty, teary eyed, hair topsy-turvy and shoved back with a headband. She wipes her face. How could I ever bruise her with my words?


Right now, in the trenches of motherhood, I am convicted of my lose tongue.  Sure, I could not have anticipated the melt-down about growing up, but it was a wake up call for me. Like something blowing up and shaking loose the dirt around me so I can see how important it is to be deliberate in my speech.  Being intentional is not ‘optional’ for motherhood it is necessary. These little ones are not my peers or my roommates. They are my children who need to be spoken to with purpose. I need to be careful not to pass out empty words, but words full of encouragement and affirmation.

Psalm 126:2-3

Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations,
“The Lord has done great things for them.” The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad.


5 thoughts on “Motherhood In The Trenches

  1. Amy, I had such a similar moment last night with my daughter Abbey who is 10. She was helping me as I was hastily preparing dinner before the High School Girls Bible study that I host weekly in my home. I lost track of how long she was stirring the chopped chicken into the cream of mushroom soup and the next thing I knew it looked like mush! Before I knew it I had blurted out something totally insensitive which crushed her little helping heart. We finished dinner just as the HS girls were coming in and I couldn’t help but feel like a hypocrite. How could I teach anything Biblical to the HS girls when I had just crushed my own daughter’s heart with my words.
    Our study is on James and we had to backtrack a little from last week. As we re-read James 3 which teaches us to tame the tongue I was completely humbled and convicted. Abbey wanted to sit in on our study last night and after reading James 3, I had to turn to her and apologize and ask for her forgiveness in front of the HS girls. God’s timing never ceases to amaze me and I am so thankful that He keeps me humbled… daily. Thanks for your story and your blog.
    Bee Mintz
    James 3: 9 “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.”

  2. Hello!
    Following over from (in)motherhood group! My baby is just 4 months old, but I can already see myself in the future, not being intentional with my words and being too short. I want to fill my heart now with the Word of God so that when those tense moments come, hopefully Jesus will come falling out by accident instead! What a spectacular verse! Thanks for sharing!!

  3. We are having that same sort of week at our house too. I find myself being so critical of what everyone is doing (or not doing) and pursue completion of the checklist over the intentional discipleship of my family. I once read a short story called the Tyranny of the Urgent ( I forget who wrote it) and it describes how the daily things that need immediate attention often cloud our minds from the important things that need our focus. I am praying for the Lord to remind me that I am a sinner saved only by His Grace and that I need to be intentional about teaching that same mercy and grace through my actions. Even if it means that the sink stays full of dirty dishes or that the floors have a few dust bunnies…

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